The King of our hearts. PJ King

So many people have their own PJ stories, and every one of them matters. These are some of ours, shared to honor him: a letter to the man we knew.

Dear PJ,

A husband, a father, a brother, a friend. A passionate basketballer, an athlete, a coach, a mentor. An angus c@#t, but ultimately, a good c@#t. That's you.

It's hard to know where to start. How do we measure a man whose impact spilled so far past the edges of a basketball court?

You were a true wordsmith and a philosophising deep thinker, so I hope this reaches at least an inch of your standards and I hope you knew how much you meant to us as a family.

An hour and a half before you passed, I was putting together a segment on you for our Insta. You always think you have more time. You never chased praise, but you deserved your flowers, and I wish I'd handed them to you more while you could still smell them. You'd have brushed it off: "Nah, don't worry about it, that's not why we do it."

But here they are anyway.

Val and I knew you separately, long before marriage and the move out east. But basketball has a way of pulling people back together, and it pulled us back to you. Mini-ball at Cornwall Park and ANI out of St Kents Prep. Then the early mornings: you swinging by to grab the boys for Breakfast Club with Lindsay. No questions asked. No petrol money accepted.

Looking back, your belief in them was something else. You saw it from day one, when not everyone could, or wanted to, see it.

From there, you became woven into who they are, on the court and off it. You worked them out at Jellies and wherever else a ball was bouncing. You gave them refereeing work and shared your Foundation for Life work with them (which Hunter really loved). You overpaid them every single time, then marched them straight out for a feed on your wallet. The gym doors were always open, not just for our boys, but for anyone willing to put in the work.

You made video montages for them, and for so many other kids, without anyone ever asking. You handed every kid their flowers, whatever team they played for, whatever their status, each one crafted to show the world what made them them. You made them all feel seen.

You were a second father to our two. You just got them. When they needed a break from Mum and Dad's voices, you were the one who truly heard them, and you could take a big dream or action and break it down into a plan they could actually follow. Such a rare and underrated gift. You shared it with the "challenged" kids too: basketball was the vehicle, but life was the lesson.

And yes, you were the one the boys talked girls with too. Those chats stayed between you and them, as they should. But no further encouragement is needed from up there on that matter, thanks PJ. lol

When I posted about the boys' pathways recently, I left Jellies off the list. At the time I told myself it it didn't fit "school pathway" (even though, in so many ways, it does). Now I think the universe left it off for me. Because Jellies isn't a pathway, and it isn't a destination. It's the foundation. It's home, the place they'll always return to and give back to. Jellies deserves more than a bullet point on a list.

When Hunter wanted his Samoan Tatau, you organised the bro. You and Krissy sat with him through it all, calm, supportive and intrigued (With a splash of mocking his squirming). Fittingly, you're both part of the design. He'll carry you on his skin, and wear you with pride, forever.

Your words of encouragement, subtle and not-so-subtle, lit something in Val and me too. You gave Val the space to grow his specialised coaching, which carried us through times when money was tight. You have been trying to get him into some of your other work, because you saw yourself in him and knew he'd be good at it. And you were the exact little voice I needed to finally start selling the Leis.

You were a big supporter of our website too, forever dropping little gems: ideas for what we could do, and how to actually do it. You even offered to do our merch in-house once we got there and your facility was open, because of course you'd already planned for a sublimator. Always thinking of others.

When FND knocked Val down, you brought Basketball Therapy into the light, and his neurological physiotherapist wrote it into his rehab plan because of this. You didn't do anything out of the ordinary. You just kept being you and using basketball to help others the way it helped you. Coming over to chew the fat, even when he dozed off on the couch mid-yarn. Joining his early morning walks up Mt Wellington, moaning the absolute shit out of it and dragging the pace right down, but still turning up. I honestly believe his recovery could have looked very different without his mate beside him.

You had the exact same cunty, sarcastic vibes as Val, which is exactly why you two clicked. You balanced each other out: honesty, comfort and constant jokes. You understood and respected why we move the way we do and have similar/same core values.
If you're lucky enough to have one friendship like that in a lifetime, you're blessed. Now there's a PJ-shaped hole in our lives, and I just want to give you a hiding and cuss you out for leaving it. You'd laugh right in my face.

You always made time for Kyla-Rae. You taught her how to get her first basketball shot up. A week or two after her fifth birthday, you and Krissy turned up and filled her room with fairy lights and lanterns, the most beautiful surprise. You spoke to her like a real person, made her feel seen every single time, fussed over her and fed that boss ego (lol). She was so proud to call you Uncle.

And you never just gave us you. You gave us your people too, offering them up whenever, lol. Krissy's braiding skills when I had a big order. Videlle to babysit. Harlyn with any handyman stuff needed, Aimz flight deals. Your mum & Dads pool every other day in summer. That's who you all are, and we are so grateful.

You were a nerd in your own right too, and so proud of the geeky loves you shared with Harlyn and Videlle. Underneath the coach and the sarcasm was a proud dad who loved geeking out with his kids. Still came with a shit load of sarcasm and shit talk but also real talk. 

I'll miss our own chats: about getting your pe'a one day, family dynamics and history, the good old days, and the lil moepe's of today. And thank you for sitting with my mum through sports games and actually enjoying it. Lord knows I can't! The two of you, honest cynics and haters together, were a pure crack-up. She loved having you for Sunday roast. You ate her food and validated her love language fluently. (And thanks for introducing us to Biang Biang.)

On the way to the hospital, Kyla-Rae said, "He can meet Poppa Val." You never met Val's dad, but you two would have got on like a house on fire. Talking about him with you has helped Val navigate his own grief. Big hugs if you catch up. Talking to you about missing the boys and the grief of the boys growing up and being far away was also a huge comfort to Val and comforting for me to know he had you to that with.

Life is funny. In your last couple of weeks, you made time for dates: fish'n'chips in the rain, art galleries and fishing. The quiet things basketball rarely left room for. It's like the world knew. I'm so glad you got those moments with Krissy & the family.

You had big dreams in the pipeline, and I hope we can help bring them to life one day. You're a bloody dick, our mate. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I can hear you now: "What are you crying for?" Well, you can uppercut yourself, thanks. We all feel cheated, and we're still struggling to understand why your time here was cut so short. They say God only takes the best, and I guess He needed a King on His team. You were supposed to come and see the boys in America. We couldn't wait to show you facilities that we felt looked so much like your vision.

The stories and tributes keep pouring in, each one proof of how many lives you touched. The college gym was packed to the rafters for you. Unreal, but no real surprise. Just as well Hoop Nation was on, otherwise it would've been a safety hazard in there!

You listened and dropped knowledge on everyone, whatever their walk of life or status, on or off the court. It's special to go back through your Morning Koko footage and everything else you shared. We're all so thankful you put yourself out there on camera, even though you said you weren't that comfortable doing it. That's a lesson I hope our boys carry with them too (Hunter... hint hint, lol).

Reading all those tributes, I keep asking: how the hell did you have time to do it all? The coaching, the mentoring, the refereeing, the content, the Foundation for Life work, the rides, the feeds, the late-night chats, and still showing up for your own family and ours. You did so much, for so many, making the rest of us look very average in the process. Honestly, rude. Haha. But truly, you've left so many of us, me included, reflecting and inspired: to be better, to be ourselves, to be happy, to be genuine and honest, to make time for our people, to be kind and to live life!

There's a Samoan saying: "O le ala i le pule o le tautua." The road to leadership is through service. That was you. You led by serving, quietly, every single day, and never asked for anything back.

And I can see exactly where you get it from. Your beautiful mum and dad and family, this whole week, through all this heartbreak, still hosting so graciously, still fussing over everyone else. Just really beautiful people, PJ. And watching Krissy carry herself with so much grace and strength, still making sure everyone else was okay, I can see exactly why she is your person too.

Basketball was the vehicle, but the journey was always bigger than the game: doing what you love, taking a leap of faith, making time for people, standing by your morals and values, showing up, and showing our boys how to be good humans. Thank you for being you, and for being part of us.

We've all got Krissy, Harlyn, Videlle and Aimz, but it's not gonna be easy. Please visit them in their dreams.

Forever the King of our hearts. Rest easy, Peter-Jared Jason Taia Stokes King.

Love always, Marcia, Val, Hunter, Cooper & Kyla-Rae xx

P.S. Thank you to Krissy, Harlyn, Videlle, Sharon & Jason and all his siblings for sharing him with us and the rest of the community.