SEPTEMBER, SEPTEMBER…

Just like that, September has been and nearly gone.

I got what I wanted for my birthday and what I requested, a nice post (not a story) from each of the boys, with clear instructions to choose a flattering picture. Lol. Although one pic wasn’t my fav but will take it! I was hoping Cooper would still be here for it, but he ended up going back to Darrow sooner as school actually started a little earlier this year and it’s his Junior year, so academically quite important. I assumed a FaceTime call would have naturally come with the birthday posts, but surprisingly only one called on my actual birthday and it was surprisingly Hunter. I say surprising as his frequency of communication, and doing what he says he is gonna do, is sometimes a lil hit or miss… work in progress, I should say! 🤦

Cooper was straight into Coach Tone’s training when he got back, including Cooper’s favourite… “running.” Lol. Unfortunately, during one of the training sessions he crumbled, possibly crashed or just plain collapsed to the ground in one of the running drills. He possibly wasn’t putting in as much effort as he could have. Coach was aware he was coming off big travel, but I think it was more about him looking like he was trying. Maybe Cooper’s resting bitch face played a part too. Anywho, Coach dropped him into the AA team to help motivate him and get him where he needs to be for the AAA. Unfortunately, he got a concussion in the AA training, so was then on concussion protocols for a week or so. 

He had also been hit in the head in India, so that, plus the confidence hit from that campaign, the jetlag and big travel, made it a total mind fuck for Cooper through this period. We are on the other side of the world thinking, are his symptoms real, is he leaning into it too much? Is he just trying to get out of the running? Because the mind is a very powerful thing. But on the other hand, we want to believe our son, and if he is for real, is he okay? They had Jamo last year, who had two cardiac arrests where they had to resuscitate him, so we don’t want to be like “harden up” when it could be something more. It’s hard to gauge when you’re not there to monitor it yourself and they can choose whether to pick up your calls or call you at all. Jamo is fine now though and has gone onto College and is still playing basketball. 🙏

I don’t think people really understand the effect such long travel can have on you. It is different for everyone, and I don’t think it’s the long flights so much that are the killer -  it’s the week or two afterwards when it gets you. I recommend the natural jetlag pills or melatonin for the trip, but if you sleep the whole trip like Cooper did, then it doesn’t work because you didn’t take them. This has highlighted that we definitely need to send them back earlier so they can adjust properly before hitting the trainings and putting themselves in a vulnerable position. Hunter was the same as well, although I’m not sure he would admit it, or be that self-aware in this instance.

Anywho, not an excuse, but there was a lot going on for our Coopz when he returned to Darrow. They are also on a new campus now for Darrow - he’s at the Lakeside campus now. He has his own shoebox, I mean room. Nah, it’s not that bad, just in comparison to the size of the rooms at Mountainside campus, and you would think in theory it would mean it’s easier to keep tidy, but most likely not, knowing Cooper. 😏 Because of the concussion stuff he is a little behind in his study. Well, not so much behind from what I know, but their grades are influenced by attendance, so he’s sitting at a B average for the minute.

To add stress on top of this, and true to my word I am sharing it all, there were also some discrepancies over the scholarship for Cooper this year, so we have been trying to work that out in the background. Because apparently sending your child to the other side of the world to play basketball wasn’t complicated enough. 🤦

Hunter has been getting into his rhythm at College - eat, school, eat, train, study, eat lift/shoot most days plus I think the “Friends” and social life of college is keeping him well busy. There have also been some interpretation differences around Hunter’s package. Another lesson learnt, which I already know better but still didn’t quite get right this round: always get or put it in writing, something we always preach to the boys but didn't follow properly in this instance. Unfortunately, Hunter is the trailblazer, so he is the guinea pig for us all but lesson learnt!

The team seem pretty tight-knit from what Hunter has told us and get on really well, so I am looking forward to their season, which starts in November. They have some preseason games coming up this October. I thought that was the non-conference games, but nope - they have preseason games, non-conference games and then conference games. The conference games are what qualify them to go to March Madness, although they still have one more year before they can actually go even if they win. There’s some rule when you move up to D1 - a three-year trial or standdown period or something. I could be wrong but I think it's more about showing that you can stay in D1 for longer than a season as being in D1 is largely about money and weather the university can financially support the programme at that level. I think Mercyhurst has already submitted an exemption, but we will see. Only one team goes through from the NEC conference. 🏀

The team training hours have also been increased. You are only allowed to train as a team for so many hours at different parts of the year, and it has to be logged through the NCAA something-or-other. They can still lift and get in the gym for one-on-ones or their own workouts, but there are restrictions around team training. So basically, there are rules for everything but team trainings have picked up across the country for D1. 

And then there’s me…

September has been a massive reflection and soul-searching month for me as a parent. I thought I was kinda through this phase already, but turns out… not even. Back to the breaking up with my son. Namely Hunter, but also a lil bit of Cooper now too, because he is nearly 18 and well cutting his own track.

Val sent me this thing on Insta where it said you get your kids for 19 years. The first 1–18 years are with you, ours slightly shorter because we decided to send them across the world, and then the 19th year is split across the rest of your life. That really hit home for Val and I and, on reflection, we were like, yeah… that’s sooo true!

And here I am in NZ getting cut because the boys don’t return my calls or leave me on “unseen” on WhatsApp for days. My text log to one son is literally all me with no replies from him. It seems like when Val calls they pick up, but I think it is just a timing thing - or that’s what I’m telling myself. (Salty overthinker much? Haha.) I asked Hunter for one call a week - thinking I’m doing him a favour, being reasonable and setting a realistic expectation for us both. Also asked for it to be in my weekend so I can talk freely. He agreed to this. I told him to send me a calendar invite. Still haven’t received the calendar invite and he hasn’t initiated a call during my weekend at all. I did get some replies one time, but I think he was a lil tipsy. Lol. 🍷

So I’m trying not to catch feels, but catching feels. Reflecting, and questioning if they even like me… then it turns into anger like “Fark the cunts.” 😤 I was in a standoff from calling Hunter last week and in a shit with him as I thought he was a little rude to me in last week’s conversation. It was super hard to hold off, but I gave in after a week and two days and called him. Told him I was in a shit with him and he was like, “Oh yeah, what for?” Blissfully unaware. And I thought to myself, you bloody headcase… your in a shit and having a standoff with Casper 😂

He is a boy, he is 19 and he is at College in the USA, so yeah, I just need to uppercut myself. Plus, if y’all remember me at 19 and I’m sure my mother will attest to this - I was much worse than both my boys. Probably still am. But yes, this is the Karma my mother so smugly gloated about to me… and shit… Kyla-Rae is still to go through puberty. FML. 😬

Then there was Cooper through all of this this week. We were trying to organise some travel stuff for Nana, who is going to visit around his birthday, but he has his own plans. Bruh. She is flying halfway across the world and gives you money and all sorts every other time, and on demand, so the least you can do is make some effort, not just what suits you. Cooper is a lot faster to apologise or more in tune when there is a raru (beef). Might have been the serve he got from Val on the matter, but his comms are a lot more forthcoming than my eldest. This was definitely a timing explosion, with everyone being a little tired and words not being articulated very well. We got over that one pretty quickly thankfully!

But a couple of reflections around all of this. I’ve said previously it feels like a long breakup with them, particularly Hunter for now, and then I likened it to having them on a leash. At the moment it feels like the leash is being let out even further and I can’t retract it at all. Val said to me, bless him, “It's wild, you think you’re still holding the leash?”

Ouch. He is not wrong though. 🙄

I read another thing that said it’s not about trying to keep them in your lives but you trying to be part of theirs, which I thought was pretty on point and probably where we are moving to in this stage of our parenting. It’s a different way of thinking about it. Instead of trying to keep them close, you have to find your place in the life they are creating for themselves.

However... when you are still having constant meetings for them, making decisions, chasing stuff, paying for stuff and sending reminders amongst a few other things and you are me! I still think I have a say and will go down fighting before I relinquish my grip.lol

Perhaps I’ll live in blissful ignorance for a little longer and no doubt catch feels along the way as the boys don't meet some of my expectations they don't even know about . 😏